How to Create the Perfect Date, According to Psychology

Ever wondered what the most likely perfect date would be? You may have a picture in your head, but psychologists may say different. Let's dive into the science behind attraction and discover how you can make your dates truly special. Lets start with a well-known study...

Get there heart beating faster...

The "Capilano Suspension Bridge Experiment" conducted by Donald Dutton and Arthur Aron in 1974. The study explored the concept of misattribution of arousal, where people may misattribute physiological arousal caused by e.g., fear or excitement from crossing a dangerous bridge to another source (e.g., romantic attraction). An attractive female interviewer approached male passersby on wither the Capilano Suspension Bridge (long, narrow, and sways 230 feet above a river), or a stable, sturdy bridge close to the ground. After completing the questionnaire given by the woman, the interviewer gave each participant her phone number and invited him to call her later if he wanted to discuss the study further. They found that men who were approached on the dangerous suspension bridge were significantly more likely to call the interviewer afterward, concluding that the heightened physiological arousal was misattributed to attraction to the female interviewer. Aron et al (2000) further concluded from continued studies that exciting activities are a booster of marital satisfaction and stimulate bonding.

Therefore, I believe taking your date out to thrilling and pulse-racing activities is a great way to grow that attraction. Perhaps a theme park with scary rollercoasters, zip lining, rock climbing, hiking a challenging trail or a run together in a park that will get there heart beating? However, be careful and be in tune to what your partner wants to do!

Mirror them subtlety to grow feelings...

"The Chameleon Effect: The Perception–Behavior Link and Social Interaction" by Chartrand and Bargh (1999) can enhance your dating experience. This research highlights how subtle mimicry can significantly increase likability between you and your date. By mirroring their body language and speech patterns in a subtle manner, you can create a stronger sense of connection and rapport. This unconscious imitation fosters feelings of familiarity and comfort, making your date feel more understood and valued. For instance, if your date leans forward while talking about something exciting, you can also lean forward slightly to show engagement.

Utilising the chameleon effect can transform an ordinary date into a memorable and engaging experience, paving the way for deeper emotional bonding.

The Influence of Shared Goals...

A key element is the influence of shared goals, explored in the study "Collaborative Couples in Romantic Relationships" by Holmes and Murray (1996). It underscores how working towards a common goal can significantly strengthen the bond between partners. Engaging in collaborative activities, such as playing a game together or tackling a cooking project, fosters teamwork and mutual support. These shared experiences not only create fun and memorable moments but also build a sense of partnership and unity. By focusing on a common objective, you and your date can develop a deeper connection and a stronger foundation for your relationship.

The plate for two please...

Food plays a significant role in attraction, as demonstrated in the study "Effects of Food on Mood and Behavior" by Gibson (2006). This research reveals that sharing food can greatly enhance social bonds, creating a sense of closeness and connection. For a perfect date, choose a restaurant with a pleasant atmosphere where you can enjoy a meal together, or consider cooking a meal together at home. The act of sharing food fosters intimacy and provides an opportunity for meaningful conversation and mutual enjoyment. By incorporating shared meals into your date, you can create a warm and inviting environment that strengthens your connection.

End it on a high Note...

Ending a date on a high note is a powerful strategy rooted in psychological research, specifically the "Peak-End Rule" proposed by Daniel Kahneman and his colleagues. This rule suggests that people tend to remember an experience based on two key moments: the peak (the most intense point) and the end. In the context of a date, ensuring that the final moments are positive can significantly enhance your date's overall perception of the entire experience. This can be achieved through a heartfelt compliment, a meaningful conversation, or a simple gesture like a warm goodbye hug. By leaving a strong, positive impression at the end, you not only increase the likelihood of a lasting memory but also set a favourable tone for future interactions.

Whether it's choosing an activity that gets your hearts racing, subtly mirroring your date's behaviour, working towards shared goals, or enjoying a meal together, these approaches are sure to deepen your connection and create lasting memories. And remember, ending your date on a high note is just as crucial as the rest of the experience. By leaving a positive, lasting impression, you'll set the stage for future interactions and a potentially beautiful relationship.

Good luck!

References:

Dutton, D. G., & Aron, A. P. (1974). Some evidence for heightened sexual attraction under conditions of high anxiety. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 30(4), 510-517.

Aron, A., Norman, C. C., Aron, E. N., McKenna, C., & Heyman, R. E. (2000). Couples’ shared participation in novel and arousing activities and experienced relationship quality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(2), 273-284.

Chartrand, T. L., & Bargh, J. A. (1999). The chameleon effect: The perception–behavior link and social interaction. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76(6), 893-910.

Holmes, J. G., & Murray, S. L. (1996). Conflict and the perception of mutuality in dating relationships: The role of attachment anxiety. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 70(3), 558-572.

Gibson, E. L. (2006). Emotional influences on food choice: Sensory, physiological and psychological pathways. Physiology & Behavior, 89(1), 53-61.

Kahneman, D., Fredrickson, B. L., Schreiber, C. A., & Redelmeier, D. A. (1993). When more pain is preferred to less: Adding a better end. Psychological Science, 4(6), 401-405.